"Grief is like the ocean; it comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim." - Vicki Harrison
Dear Friends, Readers, and Wellness Warriors,
I hope this letter finds you well, despite the challenges life may throw our way.
Today, I'm going to share something deeply personal with you—a journey I'm currently on, navigating the challenging terrain of loss and grief.
Just over a week ago, I lost my best friend. It still feels like yesterday. We have been friends since childhood, and 47 years together was not enough time. She was my son's Godmother. She was more than a friend, she was family.
Who will I call now when I need to talk, to share things, to talk and laugh about the past? Or just talk about nothing at all? And who will I visit when I need a getaway? How do you overcome losing the person who has been there for you through it all? The good, the bad, and the ugly?
Who will I watch movies with when we visit and recite the lines as the movie plays? Who will listen to me when I need a shoulder to cry on or someone to share that stupid thing I did? Who will I call when I have done something incredible or succeeded at something I have been working on?
Loss is a darkness that engulfs us, a shadow that lingers in every corner of our lives. It's not just the absence of a loved one that we mourn, but the loss of the future we envisioned with them. The laughter that will never be shared, the milestones that will go uncelebrated, and the everyday moments that will forever miss their presence.
This emotional turmoil often manifests in our physical health. Our eating habits change; comfort foods become the only foods one wants. The thought of a balanced meal seems trivial in the face of such profound sadness. We seek solace in the familiar tastes of our favorite comfort foods, even though we know they may not be the healthiest choices.
Sleep becomes elusive. The nights are long and restless, with our minds replaying memories and pondering the unanswerable questions that loss brings. This lack of sleep further exacerbates our physical well-being, leaving us fatigued and drained.
Exercise, which is known to help alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety, becomes a monumental task. The motivation to move, to sweat, to exert physical effort is buried under the heaviness of our grief.
So, how do we cope with this loss? How do we navigate through this darkness and find our way back to some semblance of health and normalcy? I am learning daily how to cope.
For me, I need time to just shut down and process. I cried a little and I know I need to do that more. It is not something that comes easily to me. I also need to walk more. Have I done so? No. I immersed myself in a video game. It helps me deal with the anger. Yes, I am angry. That is all I can say about that for now. Again, I am still processing it all.
So, let's talk about this grief thing for a minute. First, it's important to acknowledge that it's okay to feel the way you feel. Grief is a tangled mess of emotions that can hit you in waves when you least expect it. Allow yourself to feel the sadness, the anger, the guilt, and the myriad of emotions that come with loss.
Suppressing these feelings only delays the healing process. This is the part where I know I struggle. This will be the part I need to work on the most. And that will be hard. The one person that I shared EVERYTHING with is gone. Yes, I can talk to my Husband. It is not the same thing. Some of you may understand and some of you may not - and that is ok.
Be kind to yourself. If you find comfort in certain foods, it's okay to indulge in them. Don't feel guilty about not eating perfectly healthy during this time. Your body is already under a lot of stress, so don't add to it by worrying about what you eat. On the drive home, I bought her favorite candy - Haribo Gummy Bears- and ate the whole bag! Was it the right thing to do? Who cares! I did it to honor her memory and will eat them periodically from here on out.
Try to incorporate small, manageable healthy habits into your day. It could be as simple as drinking an extra glass of water, taking a short walk around the block, or adding a serving of vegetables to your meals. These small steps can help you feel a bit better physically, which can, in turn, help you cope emotionally. Have I been walking? Nope. But I will soon. Again, it is all about processing. And time - the time to process what I am going through.
Reach out to your support system. Share your feelings with friends, family, or a support group. Sometimes, just talking about your loved one and sharing memories can bring a sense of comfort and help you feel less alone in your grief. And remember, I am here if you ever need someone to talk to. Yes, even in my time of grief, I am here.
It's also important to find healthy ways to express your grief. Scream or cry into a pillow, let go in front of your significant other or a good friend. It's okay to show your emotions and to lean on others for support.
Lastly, remember that it's okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to live your life. It doesn't mean you've forgotten your loved one or that you're not grieving properly. It simply means that you're finding a way to carry their memory with you as you continue your journey. The impact of loss on our health is profound, affecting us both physically and emotionally. It's a journey that requires patience, self-compassion, and support.
As I navigate my path of grief, I hold onto the love and memories shared, using them to guide me through the darkness. And to anyone else walking this path, know that you're not alone, and it's okay to seek help and comfort as you heal. Please, please, if things start to take a dark turn, seek professional help. Your well-being is important, and there is always a path forward, even in the darkest of times.
During this time of grief, it's essential to prioritize self-care. This includes seeking professional help if needed, engaging in activities that bring comfort and peace, and allowing yourself to feel a range of emotions.
Self-care is not selfish; it's a necessary part of healing. I want to encourage each of you to seek support from your support systems. Whether it's friends, family, or a support group, having someone to talk to can make a world of difference. Remember, it's okay to grieve in your way and in your time.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and your feelings are valid. As I navigate my path of grief, I hold onto the belief that healing is possible. While the road ahead may be challenging, I know that brighter days will come. It's okay to not be okay right now, but please know that there is hope for a brighter tomorrow.
Together, we can find the strength to face each day with courage and compassion. Share your experiences with us. You may help someone else and aren't we here to do just that? Help and support each other?
Together, we can support each other through the toughest of times. Share your thoughts, and experiences, or simply say hello in the comments below or send me a message. Your story matters, and I'm here to listen.
I also invite you to join my friend's Grief support Facebook group:
Emotionally Unfold- come and be heard https://www.facebook.com/share/bxVS1Kk96FnnZvDU/?mibextid=K35XfP
This group is a spot for people to feel safe to share their stories while making connections with other people who are going through similar things. For all to be able to build up their strength and hope again. To not feel alone anymore. She and all the members are there to love + support+ encourage you. This group is very supportive, and they will treat you with love, respect, and kindness. Which is exactly what we all need in this time of grief.
If you find comfort in this letter, please consider sharing it with someone who might need it. And if you're struggling with grief or just need someone to talk to, don't hesitate to reach out. You are not alone on this journey.
With all my love and support,
Claudia
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